I was having a phone conversation with a prospective client a couple of days ago about her son, for whom she was seeking SAT tutoring. She wanted a tutor who will come to teach her son in person. I explained I only tutor online at this time, and when she persisted, I asked her why in-person was important. She said she'd had poor results from online SAT prep previously. I asked her why, and she said her son had been playing around and not paying attention during his lessons. His score had not improved, and therefore in-person tutoring was necessary. "You know how teenagers are - I'd walk in and see tabs open not related to the class, and there is no way for a teacher to moderate them online," she said. She assured me her son was smart, taking many AP classes.
It's true, I do know how teenagers are. And I know that not all teenagers are like the one described. He's in the minority, a minority of students who are not only unmotivated but also blatantly uncaring about the money their parent is spending. I told the mother that I would not come in person to teach her son, because what is the use of making the effort of showing up physically if her son does not show up mentally? "Let's have a meeting with you, me and your son so that I can tell him up front that if he isn't prepared to do the work, I'm not interested in tutoring him," I suggested. I'd even have that meeting for free. She thanked me for my time and ended the conversation.
So, what DO you do with an unmotivated student? Keep pile-driving and keep telling yourself they'll thank you later? Maybe I have a new way to think about this. What if we accept the fact that we can't make these students do anything they don't want to, acknowledge it verbally to them, and then leave them with the choice? What if we start making the choice not to help unwilling students? That's what I do when I see proof positive that a student is resisting my teaching, when I see that in the eyes of the student I'm just another stuffed shirt, when I see I'm collateral damage in their larger battle of resistance, or when I see my class slipping down their priority list.
Just yesterday I got a text from a student I stopped tutoring a year and a half ago. She'd always been vaguely unwilling, but when she got old enough to start managing her own schedule, and suddenly cancelled several classes in a row at the last minute because she had other plans or was too tired, I let her mother know I was taking the student off my schedule. Her mother was embarrassed and worried, but I reassured her. "She'll become a better student when she knows what she wants. Tell her to let me know when she needs something," I said. And look, here that student is again, ready to work on her reading and writing skills. I asked the student if I'd been right to fire her before, and she said yes. She was being inconsiderate and she knew it, but now things are different, and I am looking forward to a whole new beginning.
That's not the only student this approach has worked on. By insisting on my dignity, I feel that I am also insisting on theirs. By insisting the student regard my time, I am insisting the student regard their own. Furthermore, I am demonstrating boundaries and how to communicate them with courage. I am refusing to be a party to the student's self-defeating choices, which hopefully will cause enough disruption to get them to reconsider them, given time.
And hey, if you want me to level with your unmotivated student, let me know. I'll even do it for free.
281-352-2863
Lisa.Walter.Tutor@gmail.com
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